Lemon Water

-E-n-t-e-r- -T-i-t-l-e-

I just finished playing Scrabble with Patrick.

Which made me realize something, but we’ll talk about something else.

So, today everybody got to see our art interventions, of which I will post photos up hopefully tomorrow. so, yay! People liked it! They seemed to be more impressed by the web, but whatever^^. I’m quite proud of it. There are like five others, but I’ll write about it later.

Today was also the NHS Induction.

Now let me start off this part by congratulating Ming Hee, Helen, and Steph for making it! You guys are now NHS!

I am, to be honest, especially happy about Steph. Of those three friends, she’s the closest to me, and in my point of view, the most deserving, (Although I definitely could see Helen getting it). I want to hug you, and buy you chocolates, all three of you, and go all happy.

I’ll admit also, that I am dissapointed.

In myself. You see, I applied. I didn’t make it. When I first got into NJHS, I thought “Wow! I definitely need to get into NHS when I become a freshman!” but moving and all that got in the way. But I wanted to persevere. So, on comes this opportunity, when I should be able to make it, if I was worthy- I am not. Ok, I can live with it. It still is really disappointing, and a huge blow at my confidence in myself, since I have always prided myself in scholarship and studies.

There was a moment where one of them said “Last but not least” today, and I had a flashback to when I got into NJHS- I was the “last but not least” that day; and the idea that I would be that again… well, the momentary hope there surged based on that deja vu.

Anyways. Got over my urge to cry when I realized I had three freaking friends inducted that day. Well, I get along with Kelsey and I like Pauline, but they are not exactly friends.

So after beating myself up mentally several times, I come to the conclusion that I am going to fucking fight my way through now. All of Senior year. No more slacking. Of course, I have said that to myself a million times now this semester. But this time I really want to.

Fucking hell, I am also pissed at myself at that. So you will see a lot of determination- I am not going to forgive myself if I miss the last chance next year. If there is a type of attention I have always hungered for- it is academical recognition. I want to know that I am worth something, I want to be recognized as a good, hardworking, intelligent person that cares about what happens to the world around her, can lead people, who is overall, what I want to be. So fucking hell.

Nothing is going to stand in my way.

Insun tried, even if I didn’t talk a lot about or express much grief over not being inducted, how NHS is not everything, doesn’t matter, it’s not going to change your life, you know?

I still want it. I want everything, I want to be the best, the strongest, most intelligent, hardworking, creative, innovative, sensible… I want to be the best. I am that girl who wants to have 100%, but also have a great social life (Thing is, my definition of a great social life is different from that of most of society), and be involved everything, (Oh God, everything interests me), and be noticed by adults and the mature kids as being there, as mattering, as being a foundation and a role model. I want to be the fucking best.

So I am going to fight my way up. I need to face on everything I haven’t been facing on these days, and fight it head on, face it, defeat it, master it.

Master my laziness, my gluttony, my fears, my mind, my lack of organization, my lack of will at times. I need to master my self.

So that you know.

So I disagree on that Insun. It matters greatly to me. The one thing I took pride whenever I moved from country to country was my scholarship. Well, one of the main things.

Patrick, who is a great friend, took me to the side twice today and reassured me about NHS, partly because he is in NHS, and being as understanding as he is, didn’t need any telling to know how dissapointed I was. I don’t know how I made such a good firned, but wow.

Later on, Insun, Patrick and I went out, ate pizza at Chacarilla Mall and stuff. Then Insun went home at around 9, he and I walked home, surfed the web, then played wii, then played scrabble.


The main points in this post in no particular order.

>>Patrick and Insun and I went out today.

>>The Art Intervention was today

>>Patrick is a great friend

>>So is Insun.


>>I am dissapointed in myself

>>I am going to fucking fight and make my time matter now.

Ok, so they do have an order, but you can figure it out yourself.

Goodbye people. I need to sleep for tomorrow’s defeat at the hands of Markham Team D in the Copa Markham.


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  1. * StephHo says:

    Oh dear…that was a lot to digest.. it was a very bittersweet type of blogpost. Thanks for being so happy for me! I could tell that you were upset about not making it – but hey, you’re right: senior year! It has happened before..don’t lose hope, ‘kay?
    And yes – Patrick is a great friend, we are all lucky to have him..
    See you Monday, don’t forget about the WL draft due period 4!

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 11 months ago

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