Lemon Water



I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU PATRIARCHY

I am much too angry to stop thinking about this. Or to even have the sense to take away that title and modify it to something more tolerable.

Patriarchy. Sexism.

FUCK YOU.

FUCK YOU TO THE ENDS OF HELL; FUCK YOU TILL YOU FEEL THE PAIN OF ALL THE WOMEN HUMILIATED, ALL THE WOMEN HURT, ASSAULTED, RAPED, MISTREATED, DAMAGED, PUNISHED, PUT DOWN, HARASSED, PERSECUTED, IGNORED, TREATED AS AN OBJECT, AS STUPID, AS INSANE, WORTHLESS, AS LESS THEN HUMAN. FUCK YOU. YOU FUCKING BASTARD, ASS WIPE, YOU PIG, COÑO, CABRON, VETE A LA MIERDA Y NUNCA VUELAS, PIERDE TUS HUEVOS O CASTRATE.

I do not know how to express the burning fury I have. Perhaps because at some level I am still naive, for all that I know and heard about sexual assault, and been at the ends of thankfully soft levels of harassment and discrimination.

But this, this, just breaks the limit. Reaches. The straw that broke. The Camels Back. Drop. Overflowing Glass.

FUCK YOU

She was defending herself. She was kicking ass, and hitting him with all the fucking right she had to. You think women should be weak, and even if rape is wrong, not fight back? But then, they are always carping that the answer is to have “self defense classes”. WHY THE HELL DO YOU INSIST ON US LEARNING TO FIGHT WHEN WE GET PUNISHED IF WE DO? YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, YOU PRICK, YOU.
So basically, the men are just surprised that a woman could defend herself, and begin attacking her? They’d just seen she had been sexually assaulted. If a man was assaulted, even for a mugging, and he acted exactly like she did, straddle and hit the assaulter, nobody is going to be angry at him. Except the assaulter and family, or perhaps the odd friend. But a man is allowed to be angry, to be strong, to fight.

She fights back, and what do they do?

One guy unclothes and fondles her, and then pushes her into a hell winding circle windmill of hell where they beat up the “bitch who dared fight back”.

Oh I am so sick of you.

I am 16. I am a teenager. A girl. I am a walking target, and every day I walk knowing this. This is why I don’t go on taxis on the street on my own. This is why I tense up if somebody, especially a gang of men, whistles at me. This is why I try to look threatening. This is why I really hate walking on my own, and always bother my friends to help me get home or just walk me back to school, or something, and if I say “I am a girl, I am a target,” they just think I’m paranoid. But hey, look at that article. Look at it. This happened in the USA, a developed country, a safe country, a modern, safer, more feminist country. Now look at where I live- developing, third world machist society with poverty.

Don’t tell me I’m fucking paranoid. Go live in my shoes. They aren’t even very bad. But I am still. Fucking. Afraid.

And Fucking Angry.

I just fully understood what Willow means by the good girl/whore/bitch definition men have of all women. If you are a Good Girl, you are a virgin, always do what told, meek, submissive, pure, will do as told, even lose that virginity, which confuses the definition. The Whore, is the same as sexy, means a lot of sex. And the bitch? The bitch is anything that goes against them.

FUCK YOU.

I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE ANGRY AT YOU: I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO CAMPAIGN CAMPAIGN, SHOUT AND SCREAM, MAKE YOU PAY ATTENTION NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU DISMISS MY CLAIMS, BECAUSE THEY ARE TRUE. THEY ARE HERE, REAL, AFFECT ME AND OTHERS, AFFECT ALL FEMALES AND IS A HORRIBLE THING. STOP DENYING IT. STOP JUSTIFYING YOURSELF.

Let’s breathe for a second…She got beat up for defending herself. Come on. Read that passage.

“A small crowd had gathered, mostly men. Now they seemed shocked. I was supposed to have been a victim, and I was breaking out of the mold. I hit him in the stomach, while clenching my legs around him to prevent another man from pushing me off. In all, it took three men to pull me off my assailant.

He got up and ran off, yelling at me, as if I were the would-be rapist.

“You just assaulted me,” I yelled in my own defense – first to him and then, to anyone who would listen, “He just assaulted me.”

Since the police were shutting down the parties at Celeron, there were thousands of people on the path.

Another man, around 6’1″, approached me and said, “You think that was assault?” and he pulled down my tube top, and grabbed my breasts. More men started to cheer. It didn’t matter to the drunken mob that my breasts were being shown or fondled against my will. They were happy to see a topless girl all the same. I punched him in the face, and someone shoved me into a throng of others. I was surrounded, but I kept swinging and hitting until I was able to break free of the circle they had formed.”

Oh fuck you. Fuck you.

It scares me.

I’m the type of girl who fights back. I have no problem hitting people now, if they hurt me or the people I care about. I’ve gotten past some of my personal barriers.

What if something like this happens to me?

Fuck you machistas de mierda. What if one of my friends is hurt? No, what if any girl of my school is hurt? Lima? All of Peru? It happens. It happens to much. I’m still angry for the girls that are hurt. Afraid for them and me and my friends.

No girl should live up in fear.

Fuck you.

[Edit]

My friend Patrick pointed something out to me that has merit.

We don’t know if the group gang assaulted her because she fought back. It could have been a group of abusive guys who wanted to cop a feel because, well, they were only listening to that “OMG BOOBIES!” instinct that is so apparently cultivated and encouraged. -_-

I’m keeping the original entry, because I value my reaction. I still would get intensively angry at what happened to her, and I know that a lot of women are punished for fighting back.

But I do not really know in this case.

See yous.

PS: I would also like to note that I rarely swear this much. In fact, this is probably the most I have sworn, both in written, thought, or oral form. My friends know how little I swear XD up to the point that sometimes they do hear me swear and they go “I didn’t know you swore!” though they have known me for a year or so. To quote my friend Pat on reading this post: “Wow, that second line [in the Capital Swear Paragraph of Doom in this post] is totally unlike you.” Paraphrasing from what he said. Of course.

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Comments

  1. * blogdude says:

    it’s good to rant.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 7 months ago
  2. * tanu says:

    wow, u sound very much like my sister.
    and no, ur not paranoid. i hate those stupid whistlers on the streets…calling out & whistling & junk to my friends (not to me, although, im equally disgusted)
    where is this article from?
    i remember reading a very similar thing about a girl in the middle east…yea, not a surprize.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 7 months ago
  3. * raire says:

    Haha, like your sister?
    This article is from the feminist blogger community I follow a looooooooooooot. So like, I get to see this stuff easily.
    Yeah, this was theraupetic… I don’t even usually swear XD

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 7 months ago


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