Lemon Water


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The following is a list of all entries from the Vassar category.

Dodged a bullet by getting punched

My close, really really close friend and I just spent a whole hour, maybe even up to one and half, two, explaining a situation with our previous crush/thing/not really to another friend. This guy, basically, screwed around with our feelings and moved on to wreak more havoc around him.

It took 45 minutes to get past the first recap of this guy, the main explanation of what the hell is going on. In this point, the consternation, anger, bewilderment and part desperation shone out through as the friend we relived what had gone in one year for this one, single, infuriating boy. And I realized, after an hour or so of ranting and listening and reviewing all the things he has done to, not one, not two, but four girls (no wait, five, and maybe soon a sixth) in the space of a single year…

He hasn’t physically abused or tortured or insulted anybody, but he basically pulled all of us into this swirling vortex of his indecisive “I like you” “oh wait I have issues” “but no I want you” “But I want your friend” “I want your other friend” “I want your other other friend”.

And what I just wrote does not explain at all, or give justice to the grand scheme of how much havoc we let him wreak on our lives. But I realized.

This guy is a freaking psychopath. Holy -.

Our friend,w ho was listening, literally hit his head against the couch,g roaned, writhed, and just looked at us dazed throughout the narrative, before bursting into so many exclamations of confusion and general disbelief that people act like that.

I dodged a bullet by effectively taking the equivalent of a punch. Not pleasant at all, but far safer. I got lucky and only minor heart break/resentment.

And I had to get this out.

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¬°Bolivia, Corazon!

Amor, amor, tierra de paisajes escarpados, de un cielo que hala tu alma a la eternidad, de aire puro, de espacio cristalino, de formaciones de rocas que han sobrevivido siglos y se alargan y retorcen ante la mirada que le ofrecemos… es musica para mis ojos, arte para mis oidos, es…

es tierra y alma, es alma de tierra, y esta tierra es mi alma.

Perhaps those few lines were overtly corny, but nothing ever really captures how I feel about visiting Home and Family. Visiting La Paz is like entering a fantastic dream, and little details or a spare sound or smell can bring tears to my eyes. It is finally resting; it is putting my heavy bags down and realizing that I am home, that the people here love me, and that I belong. It makes my heart beat stronger, not just from the altitude, but from the pure joy. Why else am I always near tears when I first see the city spread out before me? It is all the more powerful because my home is beautiful.

What else can you say about the Illimani when the clouds part and let you gaze on the spirit that guards the city? Illimani is the mountain God, the Apu that looks after La Paz. It is at his faldas that we make our home. Can you deny the beauty of that bright sky? It is wide, wide and open, a wheeling expanse that is brighter, clearer, more pure than in any other city I have visited. The red earth, red earth, tierra patria, the colour and the shapes of the sierra behind the city are just… it’s magical to me. Nourishing.

Bolivia es mi corazon, oh no?


The Highest Compliment You Can Get

I dissapeared for a while. Sorry about that. At least, sorry for leaving you hanging.

I’m happy.

My dad keeps repeating to me that I’ve been paid the highest compliment I could have received. My mom tells me it is better than getting an award at school. And I am feeling so intensely lucky.

Thank you world.

Of the colleges that I applied to the following accepted me:

  • Bard
  • Bennington
  • Bowdoin
  • Middlebury
  • Mt Holyoke
  • Smith
  • Vassar
  • Williams

I was waitlisted at

  • Swarthmore

My top three choices were

  • Bard
  • Vassar
  • Mt Holyoke

And I visited

  • Bard
  • Vassar
  • Mt Holyoke
  • Williams
  • Bowdoin

I took off Bowdoin because… it was so USAmerican. So typical. I could already feel myself constrained in it. Lovely college, good academic level, but… I want a more international, global place, where I can STRETCH. I took of Williams because it felt too… not conservative, but structured? I liked the free feeling of others. Mt Holyoke was lovely, but a bit WASPy to me, women’s only (and at times that is good, at times that is bad, but I decided that I wanted to flourish in a place with a fuller spectrum of gender), and didn’t give as much financial aid. The final choice between Vassar and Bard… was really hard. I still look at it and feel a bit unsettled at how hard it was.

I chose Vassar because I felt I could thrive there more. I loved Bard’s eccentricities, the “fringe” quality of it… but I also realized I would have a harder time fitting in, settling in. And I’m tired of having to work to do that, considering how my life has all been “survive and adapt” with each move. I will still do that, of course, but Vassar will let me be myself… without an expectation of going farther into the fringe, to be more wacky. While visiting Bard, I felt a bit like… there would be judgement on how mainstream you are. And that you would find people trying their best to reject everything that is accepted in “main”. Posing. In a sense. That is easily outweighed by the incredible people, the creative, the wacky, the crazy, the unique, the truly-honest-really-themselves-and-no-one-else-people, but…¬† I’m not so crazy. I love people who are crazy creative, crazy original. But I know, that in comparison, Vassar will help me more. I will spend less energy adapting, more energy in thriving. In creating. In learning.

Vassar is space. Vassar is opportunity. It’s top level education, it’s got amazing classmates, it has the beautiful campus, amazing facilities. It has the atmosphere of enjoyment, of freedom, of learning. It has the sense of a community. It feels… it feels like it could be home. It feels like I can live and be happy, learn and enjoy, study and grow. I feel that it will give me space to explore who I am, what I want to do, but be there next to me in case I start teteering at an edge. I feel it will let me choose my path, but will give me maps and guidelines, and give me the stones and help to build my own trace.

There is a reason why my favorite quote is “caminante, no ha camino, se hace camino al andar”… or “traveller, there is no path; you make your path as you walk.”

I’m happy with my choice. I’ve been talking to amazing people, to creative people, to the people that are going to be my friends and classmates and who will define the next four years of my life.

Estoy feliz. Orgullosa. Decidida.

Y puedo tocar el cielo