Lemon Water

Category Archive

The following is a list of all entries from the artsy.art category.

iPad Painting – Not Creative, per Say, Just a Tool

First, watch this video.

via My Modern Metropolis

Done? Maybe you skipped ahead a bit to see the final product. Amazing, right? Such skill! What words come to your mind when you see this? Talented, innovative, creative…

Wait, what was that last word? Creative? See, when I read the blog post at the MMM that first led me to this video, a particular line caught my eye:

“David Jon Kassan started thinking of creative ways to use the iPad”

See… painting on the iPad isn’t creative. It isn’t a creative way of using it. It was expected and everybody has been hoping for it… so Mr. Kassan’s work is certainly talented and innovative in that it is at top technology and using a newly repurposed tool, but the idea of using the iPad itself isn’t creative. Creative means original, that few or none have thought of it, that it makes you look at the world or a subject in a completely new manner. Creative uses of the iPad have, for example, something like the iHollaback app, which deals with sexual harassment, empowerment, and helping protect women and track how and when sexual harassment usually takes place. Now that app is creative!

And the idea of using creative for a simple byword for “art” or “drawing” annoys me. Let’s give proper praise where it is due: to Mr. David Kassan for being innovative and training himself in a marvelous new and useful tool as part of the artistic process, and to the many innovative, creative app makers who are stretching the lines of what we can do.


..::I Can Touch The Sky::..

Gmail Chat with Anon, on Sunday Mar 22


1:51 PM I’m disgustingly cheerful
1:52 PM So
1:53 PM -sings “We Are The Champions” by Queen-
1:58 PM anonxeidrii: >D
me: CU>
1:59 PM omg
anonxeidrii: G’GUYTYSEYH
anonxeidrii: xD all the crap pays off?!
Not only was I accepted to Mt Holyoke, but they gave me an amazing scholarship (Twenty First Century Modern Scholars Scholarship, and it’s renewable every year!), they invited me to a Diversity Worskhop where they were GOING TO PAY MY TRIP AND BACK (I won’t be able to attend even if I get accepted though, it’s in the beginning of April and we are dying with exams and more over here), and in the Science Scholars program, which would take in July and I would travel and get research facilities aaaaaaaaaaaaand… = D
Oh my God. I’m so happy. Bennington, Smith, Mount Holyoke…
And today?
I got accepted to my top choice. Bard. With it’s 25% admittance rate (at least 2008).
My twitter:
  2. Universe, are you TRYING to make me extremely happy? Because it’s working.
  3. I love you! I promise I’ll work my arse off to take advantage of all these opportunities! I’ll get started on my homework right now! = D ❤
  4. Ok, so I danced first, which half the time consisted of jumping up and down in time with the beat. But still!! JAJA

Ajajajaja I’m so happy = ´D      ;w;     TwT

Bringing In Our Year With Grand Style, and Lists

First, I want you to listen to this song:

Has the video loaded? Will it play while you read this? Good. We’re starting this blog post with cheerful, dynamic energy.

My new years was a very pleasant day. Finished editing my art portfolio site for college, which is now added to my links list on this blog. Look to the left! I also added a “new” theme – “new” because I have used it before. When I get back from my trip home to Bolivia, I’ll edit the headers and perhaps use a different theme, but I wanted a fresher and paler theme than my last one, which felt too formal.

Returning to my last day in lil’ ole ’08, after the last edits in the portfolio, I underwent a massive cleaning/organizing spree. My desk is now nearly empty (I have a few things that will vacate this space once I regain my room), which feels a bit odd. I don’t want clutter, but I definitely feel like something is missing, so I added a few sketches and arts-in-progress so that my desk feels more productive. I am pelased to say that most of my stuff is a lot more organized, and that I plan on keeping it that way!

Because I was busy organizing until around 10 pm yesterday, my mom was left alone in the kitchen (usually my dad loves helping and ordering and taking over there… but he was rebooting my brother’s computer, as he lost all of his files), but she still put out a delicious dinner for the whole family – which this time, included my uncle, his wife, and my five year old cousin. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find my yellow underwear (Yes, I am talking about my underwear. See, Latin America has a tradition where if you wear underwear of a particular colour, the next year will be better in a particular way. Yellow can be money, luck, love, depending on the country. Green is sometimes for money, red for love… it really varies from place to place to place. You get the idea. I wear yellow for overall Good Fortune In All And Everything.) We had delicious soft salmon, some odd pasta which tasted much better than I expected and still want, asparagus, camote puree, and a dessert of apple crumble and ice cream. My uncle and aunt (I’m still getting used to her as an aunt) helped her in the making, mostly in the slicing of the food.

Then, of course, it was midnight, where my brother opened a bottle of the champagne, and we all had a glass (well, some of us had two), as we went to our little balcony to watch the fireworks. Soon, we ended up putting our music set, and placed The Red Army Choir to play grandly as we talked and enjoyed ourselves. All in all, a very nice and peaceful end of the year.

I don’t know how to tell how psyched I am right now, as I feel a lot more free and energetic. 2008 was definitely a quite good year, despite college and school stress; I managed. I’d like to thank 2008 for not inflicting me with crushes or infatuations in school, excessive friend drama, no sudden dips in my grades, and a relatively accident-free time. 2008 is also the year that Obama was elected President, so I’ll take that as a good sign of what is to come. As it is, 2008 had its share of dissapointments, the biggest of which is in myself… so!

New Years Resolutions!

Blog wise:

  • Change my theme and personalize it a lot more
  • Finish adding and editing my Blogroll and Links
  • Catch up on on those overdue posts (Creamfields, Tambopata, Analysis ala Sociological Images, etc..)
  • Edit my categories, and categorize each post
  • Add a page of the webcomics I read

Additionally, I want to thank everybody who takes their time to read this blog, and including those who came with the influx of the Avatar Cast Movie posts – I hope you found those useful, and I thank you for taking the time to get informed and writing to make a difference!

More Ok Go goodness, but their songs make me really happy!

School and work wise:

  • Make notes for all my IB classes so I am ready for the IB exams that are looming nearer. Two year’s material!
  • Not allow stress to get to me
  • Organize my assignments, my materials, my locker, to avoid the mess that 2008 has had
  • Do all my financial aid forms and required materials AHEAD of time.
  • Finish the big ITGS project

Health and Habits wise:

  • Organize my room once it is vacated, and keep it that way throughout the year (Includes closet and clothes, art’s drawer, hygiene drawer, jewelry drawer)
  • Enter a workout schedule weekly or daily so I get in shape (10 minutes exercise in the morning, every other day 30 minute jog with dog)
  • Stop eating cheese and cracker snacks each afternoon! Eat fruit and drink water instead!
  • Fix my sleeping habits and schedule, it is insane.
  • Fix my work habits.


  • Draw more! I feel I have been leaving my art to the side to finish my schoolwork, and I want to develop it and improve!
  • Work on my personal graphic novel story… actually set the story in paper and design my characters.
  • Stay in contact with everybody I love (work got in the way…)
  • Stay as happy as I have been, despite everything.

I hope everybody else has a wonderful year too, and I hope we get past any troubles we run into. I also want to stop right now and thank for my parnets (though they are unaware of the existance of this blog). Mom, thank you for helping and understanding me all this year, for your invaluable advice. Dad, thank you for your input, and for learning a bit more how to hold your temper in check… though part of it is because my brother and I are getting better at dismissing you when you get out of hand. (Seriously dad..). Juanga, dear brother… thank you for… the sweet moments, when they come up. It’s really odd to think it’s my last year of high school, that 2009… that it really is the time for S09. Wow.

To Steph: thanks for reading my rants, joining my rants, and telling me when I am messing up with your subtle tactics… Thank you for being there for me, and for confiding in me, and for helping me in my messy chaos. You are and admirable appear-everywhere-do-everything-friend, and honestly, this year would not have been the same without you. We need to get out more together, grab some Starbucks, and then get you at my house so we can play some lovely wii and laugh at… well, everything.

To Patrick: I know I haven’t been online on msn lately, so we won’t get to talk until I get back from Bolivia, probably. Sorry about that, so hopefully you’ll remember this blog exists and read this little message. Thanks for staying despite the huge workload you have (Btw, Mr. 7-in-chem-and-physics, how the hell do you do it?!), and despite the difficulty in communication with you (lets face it, talking is sometimes confusing and hard, and you love making me so frustrated I can’t articulate anything in debates, but then, you ARE in the debate team), and for being my friend. You need to come again so you can beat me at Brawl some more.

To Insun: I know you won’t be reading this, because I haven’t linked you here, but the sentiment remains.  I know sometimes you are volatile and irritable (… all the time), but I love being the other half of the Dynamic Duo! with you, and we share a great many times and fun. (Just, please stop with the idea of “let’s tell the guys who ask us to dance at clubs we are lesbians so they leave us alone” because it seems to me they get turned on…) It’s like we are meant to be balancing each other, and I’m glad that you want me to stay in your life. I hope you always know I’ll be there for you! Let’s walk together in the Graduation and remember all the sparking good times : D

To Mabel: Mabeeee, I love talking to you, and sharing with you. It seems to me each of my friend receives a particular facet of me more than others, and with you my geekyness just leaps bounds and bounds. Your attitude in life is refreshing, and sometimes I feel like you are the oldest of all my friends – lighthearted, but ready to face life. In a sense, you remind me of my cousin, in that maturity and humour go hand in hand. I’m just going to end this part with one word: ORUUGAAAS!

To Izzy: I don’t know if you have the time to read my blog, Isa, but hopefully you do and though we don’t talk a lot lately it is a form of communication. I jsut want to let you know that I miss you dearly, and hope that we talk again soon. Please answer my email queries, becasue since I’ll be going to college in the US (very likely, at least), I want to know if we can meet! Dear soul sister, I hope you have a wonderful time with Charles and your family, and please remember how much I love you.

To Paul: Dude, it’s been forever. I am sorry I’ve been so lacking in the contact department, apart from occasional Gmail comments and some tweets, but I miss you hun.  I’m glad that so far from what I see, you seem a more confident person (nearly wrote seme there… but maybe that’s my subconscious saying something ; D) It’s kind of weird because you’ve gotten more serious regarding school, and what I remember of our afternoons at your place involves squabbling over who’s fault it was that your Fable character was being chased with a bounty, or something,  you Franco! Regardless, I miss you, and all the awesome moments. Let’s recap red bar.

That’s it for now. There are more people I want to talk to, but I have to pack my bags now. 18 days in Bolivia and seeing family! Wish me the best, I’ll be wishing it for you guys ❤

On that note, I leave you with Vampire Weekend and their cheerful music:

Partially Freed


I have had a nice weekend so far, gotten free from the great majority of my homeworks, hence, the partial freedom. Let us see what I have left.

1- Art

  • Presentation report (FORGOT TO DO THIS OMFG)

2- English

  • Read/log 3.3 in Othello for Monday


  • Read Gift of Fire Chap. 3, and write responses
  • Vocabulary Quiz on-D Terms
  • Read Chapter 9 Computer Confluence
  • PROJECT THINGY OMIGASH THINKTHINK (This one is stressing me out…)

4- Fit for Life

  • Get a journal

5- Spanish

  • Read till page 208 in Un Mundo para Julius
  • Read the comparison packet and make the outline

6- Math

  • Exercises 15G (MSN help for these…)

7- Biology

  • Lab report due Thursday 28
  • Photosynthesis Exam

So, a lot less then before.

I’ve had an overall nice weekend, actually. I went to Marite’s birthday thing this Friday, which was nice. The unfortunate part was when Insun and I got accosted by two creepy guys. I got better at saying “no” but I still need to work on it. I had to go back and get Insun though, she had this -_- face all the time and it was like “I shouldn’t leave her…” so I was fine in the end. Grgggg creepy guys. At some point, as we were dancing, the guy started grunting. That was when I stepped away and decided that enough was enough. Greh. Anyways.

Yesterday I slept till one, then spent the rest of the time reading Eldest by Christopher Paolini. Rereading, since I want the third book to come out. It was my relaxation day. The book is not the best, but I like fantasy fiction, so get on with the next book Paolini! (I also admire him… this story is from when he was 15 years old, and that is like.. and unfulfilled dream of mine, to publish one of MY stories, a fantasy magic one on top of it.) Then, at around 6, I sat down to start my homework, only to get invited by Chris M to go out with him and some friends around Barranco. I did go, and I had fun. Getting out after so much hell is nice =w= We ended going to this bar concert for free. It wasn’t very good though, but it was nice to get in. XD I also played Guitar Hero for the first time. It actually is pretty fun, jajaja.

Ahhh, I’m home now, and I need to start doing my homework. Also, my parents are going to have a college talk with me today, and I am NOT looking forwards to it. They were nice and di a college search for me of good Bio colleges… but… they viewed art as secondary…

I don’t know. I never doubted myself in studying art, viewed really only as a matter of what I felt like, until my mom told me she doubted me doing well in art. That was a really big blow.

Now… it’s almost like I’m just doing Bio because my parents expect me to do it. They are wonderful, they make amazing choices, and I love them, but…

I feel depressed about the direction this is going…

And I feel depressed because my parents don’t believe I should do art…

I’m just going to do English now…

Leadership Is Trying To Kill Me!

Now we know the truth in the words that with power come great responsibility. The thing is that with me, responsibility = no sleep + too much work —-> stress

I am SO glad that we don’t have more retreats. Maybe now I can get a routine out of my life and start going to sleep. I first need to work off the backlog I have, because it is KILLING me! I have like 13 homeworks! Ok, like three of them are of the quiz/test kind, but yes. The most important for me is to finish my art free topic. I don’t see it happening, but the further along I get… hopefully the nicer Ms. Sarria will be. I finally did my presentation on la Escuela Academica today, which was for like, two weeks ago, but between my surgery, the retreats, and Ms. Sarria herself having to go to the hospital for a family member, I hadn’t presented. Whew! That is out of the way now!

Here is my list of HWs:

1- Art

  • Free topic work due tommorow/Thursday
  • Research Workbook due Thursday
  • Presentation report (FORGOT TO DO THIS OMFG)

2- English

  • Read/log 3.3 in Othello for Monday (I did the three other homeworks today in my Fit for Life class since I can’t swim. Yay! DONE)


  • Read Gift of Fire Chap. 3, and write responses
  • Vocabulary Quiz on -C terms on Friday
  • Read Chapter 9 Computer Confluence

4- Fit for Life

  • Exam this Thursday/Friday on swimming survival stuff

5- Spanish

  • Read till page 208 in Un Mundo para Julius
  • Read the comparison packet (I HATE COMPARISONS) and scribble/note/underline stuff

6- Math

  • No clue. I’ll ask her for the work tommorrow in class

7- Biology

  • Photosynthesis Assignment for Friday 22
  • Lab report due Thursday 28
  • Photosynthesis Exam

… K, I’ll do the art free topic first.

Aaaaaaaaah. I’m still so… frustrated over the Eight Grade retreat. It was… agh… I feel I failed. Like, I wasn’t good enough to get the kids to work or something. But geeze, they were so mean to each other! That was the thing that really bugged me, how vindictive and insulting they were to their own classmates, all the time. I can stand the “I’m too cool to care” guys and the hyperactive kids, even the cheating kid was ok. But how mean they were to each other? No wonder they didn’t do well! No teamwork! Because I couldn’t run for the last activity, where everybody has to run past a swinging jump rope (obviously not all of us could go through at once…) I saw the huge mess it was. They never managed it. You know how quickly the High School leadership group did it? In like four tries. (The supervisors were stumped. One said “You aren’t supposed to do it so quickly!”) Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I hope the ninth graders are better. I hope I get Cody. I’ll find out tomorrow in the PGC meeting. *crosses fingers* At least I think we’ll find out.

As it is, not all of it was bad. I didn’t mind when a few of us stood up in front to talk to them of “the journey of high school” according to the yeti. I felt guilty when he said it like that, because I don’t have a very good memory. I’ve noticed everything blurs far more easily for me than it does to others, and my brother has that a bit too. I think it’s my way of surviving moving around so much.

Anyways, we talked about getting into new activities, finding out what you liked, the independence that comes with HS,  getting yourself organized, and not being afraid to make mistakes. Then we seperated into small groups to talk to them more closely. I talked to a nice kid in my group who wanted to know about art (he likes game design, so I told him to get into ITGS and to start making projects and practicing from.. NOW!) He told me he is getting a team to make a game design, and I told him he was on the right path. Chris and Diego talked about music, and we all learned about Diego’s decisions regarding College. I’m impressed. He really is a Senior. I’m not. I’m not ready for the independence, the responsibility, the possibility of my fuck ups. But it was nice talking to him. It was nice to feel like I might be able to take decisions like that soon, and be mature enough.

Enough moping about that. I need to set my ass off in a work path now.

I’m also avoiding talking about college. At least I admit it.


Avatar Finale

I just spent quite a large chunk of my afternoon watching the last episodes of Avatar The Last Airbender. I am in an indescribable state of sadness, exhilaration, and more mixed feelings. Pray excuse me as I vent my feelings and thoughts for a bit. It’s slightly spoilerish, but I doubt you will be able to read anything, so…

Why I Am In Love With Soul Eater

I have a very big problem with manga.

More specifically, I have a problem with how girls and women are portrayed in manga. I love Furuba (Fruit Basket) as much as the rest of the fans, but unfortunately, I am tired of an archetype there in shoujo manga. (Shoujo is manga aimed at teenage girls). The main character is usually a ditzy, clueless, innocent highschool girl, who honestly isn’t very interesting. I’m not the only one who saw this trend either. I love the heartwarming story of Furuba, which is the only shoujo I’ve digested so far, but there’s something wrong here. Why are the main characters such… dull and typical girls? Where are the heroines, the strong women I’d like as a role model?

In Naruto, which isn’t shoujo, but aimed at boys, the three girls in Naruto’s year are dull dull dull. I can’t tell you how much I hate Ino and Sakura before they got older (Wait, I still hate Ino). Those two girls spent their time fighting over a boy, working on being pretty, and not on their strength or improvement. Hello, you girls are freaking ninjas- please be asskicking ninjas. Stop being the most disgustingly competitive and vindictive examples I’ve had of middle school age girls- honestly, I want to see better. They weren’t even good at fighting! Thankfully, they get better. Sakura is a highly intelligent girl who has a talent for genjutsu (illusion techniques) and an incredibly precise control of chakra. She becomes the apprentice of one of the Three Sannin, three legendary ninjas, (and while I’m dissapointed she went in the path of a medic, because it correlates to the idea that girls need to be nurturers, gentle healers, she does get a lot stronger), and she can freaking destroy boulders and create great cracks in the ground with a single punch.

After she got older, I quite like Sakura. Ino still seems the same vacant airhead, and Hinata the other one…

Well, I like Hinata. She’s a shy girl who fights incredibly hard against her fears and feelings of inadequacy, her father’s rejection and who still has a lot of potential and abilities to be explored. Unfortunately, most of her role in the story has been that she has a crush on Naruto. I loved how she stood up when she fought Neji, but I still feel her role is to have a crush on him.

So, I’m obviously not too happy with girls and women in manga.

However, I love Soul Eater, both despite and thanks to the girls.

I got into Soul Eater thanks to a friend on deviantArt (rzrdrgn) who linked me to the opening of the anime.

Just in case I don’t insert the video well, click here.

I fell in love with the wacky art style first, head over heels, dashing, falling. The style is AMAZING. I love how the artist plays with perspective, with characterization – it helps give all the panels a lot of movement, and keeps it interesting. The fun wacky style also is easy to look through, draws you in, makes the story flow. And the animation is smooth, amazing – I now agree with all who have told me that Bones is the best animating company. I mean, look at it.

I started reading the manga, which was up to 48 episodes. The first few were alright, if slightly confusing, and the style wasn’t the same- but I loved the idea. I got drawn right into our characters (Except BlackStar… he’s annoying. Take Naruto annoying times 13. Well, he gets better.), the story, the style- I was sold. It’s a fun story, drawing you through the stories. The story deals around technicians, who are working hard to make their weapons, human transforming weapons, into the stronger Death ones. To do this, the weapon has to eat 99 souls that have become evil, and one witches’ soul, and protect the innocent souls from these evil souls and the usually evil witches.

Despite the women. See, there is a lot of cheesecake here. If you don’t like it, don’t follow the links. There is the scene where BlackStar peeks into the girl’s bathing room. There is Blair, the magical cat, who just loves being perverted. There is the time when Death the Kidd (an obsessive compulsive character I love) walks into his two female weapons in a very… sexual bondage pose after they were attacked by a mummy’s bandages. (Warning, this scene is just very strong.) Oh God. The cheesecake, the blatant sexy poses and… boobs. And panty pulling. Spare me! They tone it down in the Anime, but it is still pretty blatant and forever present. *sigh* Why does this have to mar the story? Why must you inflict this to me again and again, when I see it EVERYWHERE? Ok. Stupid. I’m not going to go into the reasons why objectifying women through sexuality is wrong, why even having to portray women and girls as sexy as a must is so frustrating, especially so blatantly.

However, there is Maka.

Maka is the daughter of the best human-weapon, and the technician/weapon master that made him. We never see her formidable technician mother, but she is seen as a strong and amazing technician. Maka wants to live up to this ideal. Maka is a studious, serious and hard working soul who wants to make her weapon, who is ironically named, Soul, better than her father, a womanizer that cheated on her mother. (There’s a lot of humour in this… usually I would dislike it, but Maka’s father is so silly and determined to win his daughter back as he fumbles, that I can’t help laughing.) While I dislike that she wears a miniskirt, she otherwise dresses quite sensibly, with kickass boots and a cool coat. She’s amazing with her Scythe weapon. She’s kickass, strong, and doesn’t take any nonsense. And while she does become afraid, she fights her fears and find the courage to do so without resorting to bad, morally wrong measures. She fucking kicks ass. She’s a strong character, a strong female character that has an actual personality, whose attractiveness is secondary to who she is (although we get lots of jokes at her expense, on the idea that she is not attractive because she is flat chested and young.), and who keeps me interested. She is the one that works to get stronger of her pair. She is the one that loses it at some point, attacking a frikkin powerful magic user with her bare hands and pushes him off a bridge by throwing herself out of it too.

I know, I know, reckless- but for that moment, I was loving Maka so much, because she was being so much that I don’t get from female characters.

She saw that BlackStar, who was far more powerful, and worked hard at being strong, her own way, so she can protect the people she loves. Because the people she is fighting are doing things that are wrong. But I also love how I can identify with her. Maka is an intelligent girl who doesn’t want to be left behind, who wants to be strong, who wants to face her fears. She doesn’t do this out of some sexual trauma, she does this like a hero does and why he/she should want to; by facing her fears and to protect people. She makes mistakes, she can be a bit close minded, she is not the best, (if perhaps the smartest), not the strongest or most initially talented. But she is working hard at this, and damn if she isn’t going to kick ass when she does it.

The other female characters so far, are also more then just their sex appeal – Tsubaki is an amazing weapon with a sensitive, understanding soul. At the beginning, I worried she was too submissive- before I realized how strong she can be, when she decides to fight. However, I am reserving my opinion about the Thompson twins.

But at the end of the day, I want Maka to win.

Despite the horrible cheesecake, Soul Eater is made of win. Great story and characters, developments, art and style – enough to make me love a story. Perhaps if the girls were empty, I would not be able to look past said cake.

But with, strong individual females?

I love you Soul Eater. I love you.

-E-n-t-e-r- -T-i-t-l-e-

I just finished playing Scrabble with Patrick.

Which made me realize something, but we’ll talk about something else.

So, today everybody got to see our art interventions, of which I will post photos up hopefully tomorrow. so, yay! People liked it! They seemed to be more impressed by the web, but whatever^^. I’m quite proud of it. There are like five others, but I’ll write about it later.

Today was also the NHS Induction.

Now let me start off this part by congratulating Ming Hee, Helen, and Steph for making it! You guys are now NHS!

I am, to be honest, especially happy about Steph. Of those three friends, she’s the closest to me, and in my point of view, the most deserving, (Although I definitely could see Helen getting it). I want to hug you, and buy you chocolates, all three of you, and go all happy.

I’ll admit also, that I am dissapointed.

In myself. You see, I applied. I didn’t make it. When I first got into NJHS, I thought “Wow! I definitely need to get into NHS when I become a freshman!” but moving and all that got in the way. But I wanted to persevere. So, on comes this opportunity, when I should be able to make it, if I was worthy- I am not. Ok, I can live with it. It still is really disappointing, and a huge blow at my confidence in myself, since I have always prided myself in scholarship and studies.

There was a moment where one of them said “Last but not least” today, and I had a flashback to when I got into NJHS- I was the “last but not least” that day; and the idea that I would be that again… well, the momentary hope there surged based on that deja vu.

Anyways. Got over my urge to cry when I realized I had three freaking friends inducted that day. Well, I get along with Kelsey and I like Pauline, but they are not exactly friends.

So after beating myself up mentally several times, I come to the conclusion that I am going to fucking fight my way through now. All of Senior year. No more slacking. Of course, I have said that to myself a million times now this semester. But this time I really want to.

Fucking hell, I am also pissed at myself at that. So you will see a lot of determination- I am not going to forgive myself if I miss the last chance next year. If there is a type of attention I have always hungered for- it is academical recognition. I want to know that I am worth something, I want to be recognized as a good, hardworking, intelligent person that cares about what happens to the world around her, can lead people, who is overall, what I want to be. So fucking hell.

Nothing is going to stand in my way.

Insun tried, even if I didn’t talk a lot about or express much grief over not being inducted, how NHS is not everything, doesn’t matter, it’s not going to change your life, you know?

I still want it. I want everything, I want to be the best, the strongest, most intelligent, hardworking, creative, innovative, sensible… I want to be the best. I am that girl who wants to have 100%, but also have a great social life (Thing is, my definition of a great social life is different from that of most of society), and be involved everything, (Oh God, everything interests me), and be noticed by adults and the mature kids as being there, as mattering, as being a foundation and a role model. I want to be the fucking best.

So I am going to fight my way up. I need to face on everything I haven’t been facing on these days, and fight it head on, face it, defeat it, master it.

Master my laziness, my gluttony, my fears, my mind, my lack of organization, my lack of will at times. I need to master my self.

So that you know.

So I disagree on that Insun. It matters greatly to me. The one thing I took pride whenever I moved from country to country was my scholarship. Well, one of the main things.

Patrick, who is a great friend, took me to the side twice today and reassured me about NHS, partly because he is in NHS, and being as understanding as he is, didn’t need any telling to know how dissapointed I was. I don’t know how I made such a good firned, but wow.

Later on, Insun, Patrick and I went out, ate pizza at Chacarilla Mall and stuff. Then Insun went home at around 9, he and I walked home, surfed the web, then played wii, then played scrabble.


The main points in this post in no particular order.

>>Patrick and Insun and I went out today.

>>The Art Intervention was today

>>Patrick is a great friend

>>So is Insun.


>>I am dissapointed in myself

>>I am going to fucking fight and make my time matter now.

Ok, so they do have an order, but you can figure it out yourself.

Goodbye people. I need to sleep for tomorrow’s defeat at the hands of Markham Team D in the Copa Markham.