Lemon Water


Category Archive

The following is a list of all entries from the Personal category.

Dodged a bullet by getting punched

My close, really really close friend and I just spent a whole hour, maybe even up to one and half, two, explaining a situation with our previous crush/thing/not really to another friend. This guy, basically, screwed around with our feelings and moved on to wreak more havoc around him.

It took 45 minutes to get past the first recap of this guy, the main explanation of what the hell is going on. In this point, the consternation, anger, bewilderment and part desperation shone out through as the friend we relived what had gone in one year for this one, single, infuriating boy. And I realized, after an hour or so of ranting and listening and reviewing all the things he has done to, not one, not two, but four girls (no wait, five, and maybe soon a sixth) in the space of a single year…

He hasn’t physically abused or tortured or insulted anybody, but he basically pulled all of us into this swirling vortex of his indecisive “I like you” “oh wait I have issues” “but no I want you” “But I want your friend” “I want your other friend” “I want your other other friend”.

And what I just wrote does not explain at all, or give justice to the grand scheme of how much havoc we let him wreak on our lives. But I realized.

This guy is a freaking psychopath. Holy -.

Our friend,w ho was listening, literally hit his head against the couch,g roaned, writhed, and just looked at us dazed throughout the narrative, before bursting into so many exclamations of confusion and general disbelief that people act like that.

I dodged a bullet by effectively taking the equivalent of a punch. Not pleasant at all, but far safer. I got lucky and only minor heart break/resentment.

And I had to get this out.


¡Bolivia, Corazon!

Amor, amor, tierra de paisajes escarpados, de un cielo que hala tu alma a la eternidad, de aire puro, de espacio cristalino, de formaciones de rocas que han sobrevivido siglos y se alargan y retorcen ante la mirada que le ofrecemos… es musica para mis ojos, arte para mis oidos, es…

es tierra y alma, es alma de tierra, y esta tierra es mi alma.

Perhaps those few lines were overtly corny, but nothing ever really captures how I feel about visiting Home and Family. Visiting La Paz is like entering a fantastic dream, and little details or a spare sound or smell can bring tears to my eyes. It is finally resting; it is putting my heavy bags down and realizing that I am home, that the people here love me, and that I belong. It makes my heart beat stronger, not just from the altitude, but from the pure joy. Why else am I always near tears when I first see the city spread out before me? It is all the more powerful because my home is beautiful.

What else can you say about the Illimani when the clouds part and let you gaze on the spirit that guards the city? Illimani is the mountain God, the Apu that looks after La Paz. It is at his faldas that we make our home. Can you deny the beauty of that bright sky? It is wide, wide and open, a wheeling expanse that is brighter, clearer, more pure than in any other city I have visited. The red earth, red earth, tierra patria, the colour and the shapes of the sierra behind the city are just… it’s magical to me. Nourishing.

Bolivia es mi corazon, oh no?


The Highest Compliment You Can Get

I dissapeared for a while. Sorry about that. At least, sorry for leaving you hanging.

I’m happy.

My dad keeps repeating to me that I’ve been paid the highest compliment I could have received. My mom tells me it is better than getting an award at school. And I am feeling so intensely lucky.

Thank you world.

Of the colleges that I applied to the following accepted me:

  • Bard
  • Bennington
  • Bowdoin
  • Middlebury
  • Mt Holyoke
  • Smith
  • Vassar
  • Williams

I was waitlisted at

  • Swarthmore

My top three choices were

  • Bard
  • Vassar
  • Mt Holyoke

And I visited

  • Bard
  • Vassar
  • Mt Holyoke
  • Williams
  • Bowdoin

I took off Bowdoin because… it was so USAmerican. So typical. I could already feel myself constrained in it. Lovely college, good academic level, but… I want a more international, global place, where I can STRETCH. I took of Williams because it felt too… not conservative, but structured? I liked the free feeling of others. Mt Holyoke was lovely, but a bit WASPy to me, women’s only (and at times that is good, at times that is bad, but I decided that I wanted to flourish in a place with a fuller spectrum of gender), and didn’t give as much financial aid. The final choice between Vassar and Bard… was really hard. I still look at it and feel a bit unsettled at how hard it was.

I chose Vassar because I felt I could thrive there more. I loved Bard’s eccentricities, the “fringe” quality of it… but I also realized I would have a harder time fitting in, settling in. And I’m tired of having to work to do that, considering how my life has all been “survive and adapt” with each move. I will still do that, of course, but Vassar will let me be myself… without an expectation of going farther into the fringe, to be more wacky. While visiting Bard, I felt a bit like… there would be judgement on how mainstream you are. And that you would find people trying their best to reject everything that is accepted in “main”. Posing. In a sense. That is easily outweighed by the incredible people, the creative, the wacky, the crazy, the unique, the truly-honest-really-themselves-and-no-one-else-people, but…  I’m not so crazy. I love people who are crazy creative, crazy original. But I know, that in comparison, Vassar will help me more. I will spend less energy adapting, more energy in thriving. In creating. In learning.

Vassar is space. Vassar is opportunity. It’s top level education, it’s got amazing classmates, it has the beautiful campus, amazing facilities. It has the atmosphere of enjoyment, of freedom, of learning. It has the sense of a community. It feels… it feels like it could be home. It feels like I can live and be happy, learn and enjoy, study and grow. I feel that it will give me space to explore who I am, what I want to do, but be there next to me in case I start teteering at an edge. I feel it will let me choose my path, but will give me maps and guidelines, and give me the stones and help to build my own trace.

There is a reason why my favorite quote is “caminante, no ha camino, se hace camino al andar”… or “traveller, there is no path; you make your path as you walk.”

I’m happy with my choice. I’ve been talking to amazing people, to creative people, to the people that are going to be my friends and classmates and who will define the next four years of my life.

Estoy feliz. Orgullosa. Decidida.

Y puedo tocar el cielo


..::I Can Touch The Sky::..

Gmail Chat with Anon, on Sunday Mar 22

me:

1:51 PM I’m disgustingly cheerful
1:52 PM So
jajajaja
JAJAHAHAJA
1:53 PM -sings “We Are The Champions” by Queen-
1:58 PM anonxeidrii: >D
WHY?
me: CU>
BECAUSE
I GOT INTO MT HOLYOKE
AND LIKE
I HAVE A SCHOLARSHIP
AND LIKE
I CAN TOUCH THE SKYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
anonxeidrii: >DDDDDDDDDDD YEEEAAAAAHHHHH
1:59 PM omg
THATS SO GREAT O__O
me: YAHAJAJAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
anonxeidrii: STJYTRTERTYETYRTKY
DRJ
IOH
HIOG
me: IT FEELS SO FUNKY
anonxeidrii: G’GUYTYSEYH
me: IT REALLY DOES
DID YOU KNOW TOUCHING THE SKY MAKES YOU HIGH?
anonxeidrii: xD all the crap pays off?!
HAHA
me: JAJA IT DOES
anonxeidrii: THE SKY IS MADE OF CRACK
me: THE SKY IS THE CRACK
2:00 PM OF ALL CRACKS
Not only was I accepted to Mt Holyoke, but they gave me an amazing scholarship (Twenty First Century Modern Scholars Scholarship, and it’s renewable every year!), they invited me to a Diversity Worskhop where they were GOING TO PAY MY TRIP AND BACK (I won’t be able to attend even if I get accepted though, it’s in the beginning of April and we are dying with exams and more over here), and in the Science Scholars program, which would take in July and I would travel and get research facilities aaaaaaaaaaaaand… = D
Oh my God. I’m so happy. Bennington, Smith, Mount Holyoke…
And today?
I got accepted to my top choice. Bard. With it’s 25% admittance rate (at least 2008).
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
My twitter:
  1. *shrieks* AAAAAAAAH I GOT INTO BARD COLLEGE! AAHH!! *screams* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH =D
  2. Universe, are you TRYING to make me extremely happy? Because it’s working.
  3. I love you! I promise I’ll work my arse off to take advantage of all these opportunities! I’ll get started on my homework right now! = D ❤
  4. Ok, so I danced first, which half the time consisted of jumping up and down in time with the beat. But still!! JAJA

Ajajajaja I’m so happy = ´D      ;w;     TwT



Smith Lightens My Horizon

Today, I was informed online that I had been accepted into Smith College. I learned that my friend -S- also got in.

I’m so happy. I’m so happy!! My dad was very proud! When I ran down to tell him, he made a funny motion with his fist and said “YES! I KNEW IT!” in Spanish.  He then just HAD to check all my other colleges, even if they won’t post the decision yet. ❤ I’m really happy! My mom was happy but I had to tell her through chat. I think I’m making them proud = D

My dad says we might travel together during Semana Santa to visit my top 3 choices when I find out about all of my colleges. I’m both looking forwards to and terrified by it.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Like -S- says, “2 down, 7 to go”.


Dad and Books!

My dad came back from his business trip to Boston, which makes me a very, very happy kid. Additionally, he talked to a trustee of Mount Holyoke, who reassured him and through him me, that I’m probably going to have a good time getting into colleges. I certainly hope so.

My dad is baaaack *sings* I really missed him, especially since soon I’m going to have to go away to college, and well, I’m going to miss my family. He also got me some two shirts even though I didn’t ask him for any – I specified books, and maybe a pashmina, jajaja! He’s been amazing so far, no fights etc, and I’m just… overjoyed his back.

THE CRUX of this post, however, is the list of books my dad got on his trip! Here they are! I can’t wait to read them!

My Requests

He wasn’t able to get all of my requests, obviously, but he did amazingly well. I gave him two authors, a few specific recommendations from Mr. Pruzinksy, my English Teacher, and requested some books about Third Culture Kids. My dad was really impressed with Mr. P’s recommendations, as well as my request for Earth Democrac. He plans on reading them as well, so I guess these are going to become family books.

  • Earth Democracy – Vandana Shiva
  • What is the What – Dave Eggers
  • Drown – Junot Diaz
  • Terrier – Tamora Pierce
  • Unrooted Childhoods; Memoirs of Growing Up Global – Anthology
  • Third Culture Kids: The Experience of Growing Up Among Worlds – David C. Pollock and Ruth E. Van Reken
  • A Gift of Dragons – Anne McCaffrey

Family

  • Dreams from My Father – Barrack Obama [Everybody is going to be reading this…]
  • The River of Doubt – Candice Millard [He got this for my brother but really recommends it to me as well]
  • 2009 State of the World: into a warming world – the Worldwatch Institute [We are getting a lot of books and reading regarding this subject in my family. My dad says this was an amazing book.]

Of course, he brought magazines and a few candies as well, but it’s the books that I like the most. Besides, I’m glad I can hug my dad again, and I’m all the more aware how I’m going to miss my family.

Gods above and below, I am grateful for my family and life.


Of Course I Kicked You

I mean, honestly, what other reaction did you think I would have?! (Nevermind that you don’t read this blog and I probably won’t link you to it.)

What am I talking about? Basicamente, a classmate of mine, P.M. so as to give him some sort of privacy, was being ridiculous. I was working on art during my Study Hall period, during which he has art… so we were in the same classroom. As I’m washing clean the pallete and brushes, he comes around and pulls slightly at my apron’s strings (I wanted to protect my clothes from the paint, duh), and he starts talking about how he liked pulling the bikini straps on girls, and how he had once pulled a 14-year old girl’s straps… and she wasn’t able to catch the top in time. Now, unfortunately, I was still grinning like an idiot because this dude is so ridiculous, I feel like laughing all the time.

But as he goes away, I step forwards and kick him, decently hard too (I hope I don’t leave a bruise…). And he’s all “You kicked me!” several times and by now I was REALLY honestly grinning happily. Well, no shit Sherlock. You just told me about how you apparently liked contributing in sexual harassment (why yes, exposing the breasts of bikini-wearing teenager girls against their will is sexual harassment!), and implied something when you pulled the back of my apron strings! Of course I hit you! You’ve probably seen me punch my friends (well… the guy friends) for saying something stupid, and that is soft!

I mean, geeze. At least it wasn’t like when my friend nicknamed me “Boobs”.

… I mean… seriously…

Ok, end rant.


Something Good This Way Comes

Things are looking up a lot since my last post – and for a while now. I just couldn’t bring myself to write about it, since I needed to  let the wave of happiness take its course without redirecting it by writing the blog post.

I probably just confused everybody there.

But a number of good things have been going on since, and quite a few are college related. Life is becoming happier and I feel much better, not as much stress. I feel I can actually tackle my school work and come out winning now that the family issue is not so threatening.

First off, I had two college interviews by phone. Well, one wasn’t so much an interview, but rather sounded more like they were trying to convince me to go to Mt Holyoke. That was rather nice and flattering actually, especially when the trustee said that the office of admissions had called me “Hot Property”.  While I think that “property” is a very wonky term (I’m person! Not an object! I am not owned!) I’m just going to go ahead and take that as a compliment and a good sign for the future.

The second interview was Bennington, and I really enjoyed talking to the woman, even if we kept getting some Skype glitches. I learned some very interesting things about Bennington, especially its Environmentally friendly policies (YAY!) and other details. Suffice to say, I was really happy, I think the woman was happy, and I think that it gave a good impression.

Oh… additionally, talking about Bennington… yesterday I received an email notification that I HAVE BEEN ACCEPTED! MY FIRST ACCEPTANCE TO A COLLEGE! =’ ) I feel very, very happy, and it’s like I reached my first milestone. The two college interviews themselves were enough to get me into a “music high” when I had them (I think I scared a few friends over MSN because I was typing really fast, in capslock at times, and very, very hyper as I blasted music and ocassionally dissapeared to dance to my music.)

I think there was more I wanted to say, but I am extremely happy right now, and I’ll just go do my homework. (My family situation, btw, is better, but still has its problems. I’m hoping it won’t explode again and we’ll be able to fix this.)

PS: To those who were here for the Avatar Casting Fracas, I’ll start updating again – I’m sorry I zoned out of it, but I had a lot to deal with : ( But I shall! *determination*


Anxiety Overload

I haven’t really told people, but I’m currently having some family problems – or well, the family is having problems. Yesterday, Sunday, was pretty much the huge gunk mess up, but I really don’t want to talk about it.

Today, after fighting with my brother at around 5 pm, I began to feel pain in my chest, where my heart is. At first I tried to ignore it, but after a while I started getting worried and googled the symptoms for a heart attack. I KNOW I am too young to have a heart attack, but if you feel pain right hwere your heart is… well, you get scared. I got scared enough to call my mom while I was walking my dog, and she sent me back home, where I waited for my dad.

He called a while before, as sweet as he can be, the moments when I love him most, but since before we had been so off that just added more pain. When he arrived and started calming me down, I did start feeling better, and told him that it had started hurting after my fight with my brother (when he hit me in the head).  This led to him calling my brother back and telling him to never touch me again… which made it hurt more. Based on that, he reached the conclusion that I had been having an anxiety attack based on all the drama that we’d just been going through. He calmed me down, gave me yummy stuff to eat, and I started talking to him about webcomics.

I’m better, my chest stopped hurting, although the left side of my neck really, really hurts.

So I’m going to go distract myself. Draw. Do something. Calm down.

Yeah.

The pain will go away.


I Can Dream Of Better Representation in Fantasy

I can envision a future MMOG where character selection starts out with a degendered/desexualized body wherein players can pick and size features such as breasts, hips, and muscle sizes, as well as the gender identity of their character (male, female, transgendered), and where characters can pick the types of clothing they wear so that the same outfit on a male is not automatically pants and on a female not automatically a skirt.

Oh please do. I’d make one female character with the muscles I can only dream of.

Is it too much to ask? When I played WoW, I would wince constantly from the female version of some clothes. Not to mention my then-friend’s Succubus, especially considering how he always made his warlock summon her so I would be irritated.

I can still hear her horrible lines and fawning “seductive” tone. And the objectification of her body…

And there wasn’t even an Incubus for female Warlocks. D <

I’m not a huge gamer, but I really love MPORGS,  when I find the time for them. I love fantasy stories, epic journeys, quests (that aren’t too repetitive and annoying), and I love the interaction you can sometimes find in these games. But honestly? Not a very safe or welcoming place for women or girl gamers.

So at least this is a step in the right direction.

Note: I’m too depressed to write about anything else. Sorry about disappearing, but massive personal upheaval in the family area, and honestly, I just don’t want to talk about it.

I just can’t wait to get away to college.

And a month ago, I couldn’t imagine wanting to leave my family, despite still doing Finacial Aid forms.