Lemon Water

My Nerves Are So Tense, That They Are Guitar Strings

But if you tried playing them, you’d only get mournful howling tunes, or frantic desperation in rabid electric guitar riffs.

You know something is wrong when you stress about what you should comment about yourself. I had to fill in my External Assessment paperwork for my Theory of Knowledge Presentation, when I began getting frantic and stressed, and ended up asking my dad for help. To enter four comments in a space of three words. Because I was worried on whether I would sound like boasting and should show humility, or if I should show emotion. I put off filling this thing for like a week. Just four times 3; twelve words more or less, on why I think I deserve full marks so that the people in IB land will nod and say “this girl is confident enough to take the world” and tick me off happily so I can go off on my way to win my scholarship; or perhaps I should show humility, which after all is a virtue, and they will think “this girl is always looking to improve herself” and will appreciate and contrast with the full marks Ms. Bangs gave me for the presentation and say “she deserves it”. So yes, I’m trying to use psychology on the IB graders, and I’m obviously going crazy.

I went for the confident approach, as my parents told me to go with how I felt I did. And I feel really proud of this presentation.

But what tells me I’m really bad off, is when I walk into ITGS class today, and take the quiz on one of the chapters we were supposed to read, without having read it, for the second time.

I never enter unprepared. I always study. That in the past week or two I have done this twice scares the heck out of me.

I nearly burst into tears halfway into the test. So much frustration. And I feel pathetic for having come to tears.

I think I need a mental health day. Steph suggested it, and I might take it. Even my mom told me I needed a one-day break.

Similarly, kind of, today I took the Math Statistics test. Now in class, the problems have been a breeze, but the first problem in the test was weird. And then my head messed up something as easy as the mean, for chrissake, I kept diving by the total and not the variables. -_- So I am not happy with that, and more frustration was born.

Tommorow is the SAT. Tommorow morning. My first SAT.

And I haven’t studied.

Damn you catch up work! Tambopata, I love you, but you really fucked me up work wise. But right now I am frantically studying and looking at practice answers and looking over my Math notes and reading Vocabs.

Extended Essay is due on Monday, 3000 words so I have to type some 2000, and , and I have a list of about ten homeworks.


I’ll go back to studying.


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